It's 10:00pm. My husband Michail is still meeting with the members of the board of our Messianic-Jewish Synagogue. He is Chairman, so has lots of responsibility. I have been catching up with emails and uploading pictures on Facebook while I sit here and miss him, waiting for him to finish up.
Tonight we cancelled Michail's regular careworker for his evening routine. On nights we know it's going to be late, I take over. Sometimes that makes for a rather late night though, because we seem to feel that we can just stay up later since we don't have a schedule to keep...not that it's done on purpose or anything, but that's often how it works out.
Today I prepared to have a little 5 year old boy around the house by 8:30am - one of our neighbors - only to find out that he was staying home because his brother got sick, so one of their parents had to stay home from work. I was looking forward to having a little one around - oh well! He comes on Friday too.
Michail and I started our day off on a good foot by spending some time in the scriptures - we read some in the Psalms and also the book of Zephaniah, and prayed together. I love praying with my husband. It's something we started before we got married, and have continued it almost every morning when we wake up, sometimes before we get out of bed. There is so much life in communicating with our Father.
As we were finishing up, an alarm rang on our cell. This prompted Michail to awaken our house guest/friend in transit. B__ is a hurting man who came into our lives about 2 weeks ago. Years ago, B__ lived here with Michail. He has since then come into some trouble in his life, and needed a place to stay until he could get back on his feet. We agreed to share our home with him, and to pray for him that he would soon find a job, a place to stay, and more stability in his life. Personally, I have really struggled with having someone else invade our privacy. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but that is how I have felt. Sometimes people just rub you the wrong way...this is also what I have been experiencing. I have cried out to the Lord with tears regarding this - "God! How do I love this person like You would?" Michail and I have prayed that Father would bring hurting people into our lives, and He has answered that request.
One after another, people have come to our home - sometimes they are careworkers, often very hurting themselves. Other times they are fellow believers who have been wounded, sometimes by those closest to them in the body of Messiah. Among these have also been those new to the faith, who are learning what it means to be loved by a God who doesn't require them to clean themselves up before they are received. Some are prideful in their hurt. They feel they are deserving of something. They close up their hurt with walls, and make those walls so inpenetrable, that it takes lots of longsuffering and gentleness to cause and inroad to be possible. Others are so broken, so oppressed, that their faces are distorted and shamed. They think nothing of themselves, ecxept how could they possibly be in a lower place than they are now? W__ is one of the latter. He is another friend whom Yahweh has allowed to stumble into our lives. He is oppressed. Yet a few nights ago, I think I saw a little bit of a spark for a moment. As we talked to him, he realized himself what must be at the root of his problems. He doubts that God loves him. It was so simple, yet for us, a small breakthrough.
I didn't understand when I felt God call me, even before marraige, to begin to reach out to hurting people that it would have this much of an effect on my own life - on our lives. God has stretched us. Father is teaching us to be very, very flexible. At any moment, someone may need help. Will we be ready, or must He call on someone else?
So we carry on, day after day, and we are so blessed. There is joy to be found in touching hearts and pointing them to the One who can heal them. I won't lie. It is not easy. Sometimes it can be very taxing. Just the other day, I was so proud of my husband. He was up all day in his wheelchair, and didn't have a break like he usually does midday. Instead of coming home and going to bed, he wanted to visit our brother W__. Everything seemed to be against us. Our cell phone kept dying as we tried to talk to him on the phone to ask if we could come over. He was reluctant to have us come. He feels he is a burden to us. Michail insisted, over and over. The phone died...zip..done. We were not far from home, so we stopped outside, and I ran in to get the cordless phone. Haha...no, it didn't want to work for us either. Eventually, we made a connection. On the way, we stopped at Timmy's drive-through, and picked up something for W__ to eat. We ended up visiting for over an hour, just encouraging him in the love of God, and to not give up. We were exhausted when we got home, but so glad we listened to the leading of the Spirit of God.
It's not always this way.
Sometimes I try to convince Michail that my way is better, and that "right now" is not the "best" time to run out and help someone because there is supper to make, and this and that to do right here.
I need to listen more.
I am so grateful for a sensitive husband. He listens to me so well. When I fall apart at my own shortcomings, and apologize up and down the wall...he just loves me. This is one characteristic that I knew I had to have in a husband: a listening ear. Sometimes it's super hard for me to say what I want to say at the right time. It just doesn't come out. I have to say though, that since I have decided to try more, and really talk more things out, rather than holding them in, I have not had as much trouble with explaining what is on my heart. Michail listens to the Lord's voice too. He is really sensitive to His leading, for which I am so grateful. I am learning more and more to trust his judgement, and know that he has heard from God before he makes a move.
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